Back to school...

Many relatives, friends and friends of friends of mine are gearing up for the new school year!

I, on the other hand, am not. For the first time in about 22 years I am not going to school in the fall. To mourn this event I wanted to share a top ten list with you.

Jacob's Top Ten reasons for never ever leaving school

10. You get older. They stay the same age.

9. Be one of the few elite people who can ask for both the student and senior discounts at movies and restaurants.

8. You can do anything under the guise of "research."

7. Being the same age as your teachers has certain advantages.

6. Being older than your teachers has certain advantages.

5. Class rings fetch a fine price on Ebay and diplomas make great shelf paper.

4. Save those 4 years of NCAA sports eligibility until you are 60. Then you will have prescriptions for all the testosterone and steroids you will need.

3. Didn't win that election to student body president? Keep trying. And run on the platform that you are the only candidate old enough to also be U.S. president.

2. There are always fine new flavors of Ramen noodles to try.

And the number one reason for never ever leaving school is:
1. Late night streaking. (Doing this in your parents' neighborhood is apparently frowned upon...)

Alas, I was foolish and left school. Perhaps one day I will regain my senses and return. Until then I am doomed to work, lest I endlessly face the question: "So, do you have a job yet?" Do yourself a favor. Never leave school.